All your favourite music and films are considered retro. You say 'Cool' in all seriousness and genuineness. As your favourite bands get older, their audience gets younger. We are no longer limited to a mere 150 Pokemon.
I'm having an early mid-life crisis and whilst i'm in a position where I don't have enough readers for me to actually care what they think, I'm going to write this off my chest.
Clothes shopping feels like clubbing
You're surrounded by young people wearing carrot-twist-tech-cuffed-torn-skinnyslim jeans. It's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen and yet they make it look so natural along with the guys in their t shirts that go past their knees.
You're also sweating. Because for some reason, going into H&M or River Island feels like you've gate-crashed a party you're way too old for.
And of course, the music. It sounds like club music. It's the appropriate volume for club music. But yet you are in a clothing store. And yet you still turn a blind eye to the truth that no matter what piece of clothing you try on in this store, you instantly look and feel like a dick head. It's time to leave. At least Asdas jeans have flies instead of buttons. You're not a toddler.
You spend your precious spare time sleeping
Gone are the days of all night video games, partying, socialising and Youtube video binging. (i'm aware your social life is probably a lot less nerdy) You pretend to consider social invites, but you know full well your "yeah, I might do actually" is code for "You will not take away my precious sleep." Because you don't know when you'll next get it. But this doesn't make you an arsehole- it's not your fault! you have kids... Wait, you don't have kids? Ah...
You don't understand what anyone is saying
Everyone around you seems to suffer from this speech impediment where whenever they start a sentence with "I can't even..." they are unable to finish it. Can't even...? CAN'T EVEN WHAT!? You hear yourself scream out loud one day on the train. The day you finally crack. And what exactly is it about said thing that is "Lit'"? Literal? Literacy? A Lit candle? WHY DO YOU ALL SPEAK IN RIDDLES!?
The best way to get over this crisis is to accept yourself for who you are. A tired, grumpy, twenty-something year old who is considering retiring from life if the modern world keeps up their bullshit.